[SATIRE] EPIDEMIC WARNING: GFXOVID-21

Zipline, HF Blog HQ – After a worldwide pandemic COVID-19 struck the world a new virus is taking over the streets of the CPA Community. Patient Zero, identified to be going by the online persona of Ayan “Pencil” Force, has been confirmed to have been infected with a virus being labelled as GFXOVID-21. Currently, little information is known about this virus except for its R-Naught value, currently sitting at 0.1.

Speaking to HF Public Health Advisor Scorpion Demon, the information that has been found is quite shocking.

So Scorpion, it’s come to the publics attention that a new virus is going around our glorious gracious motherland. how worried should the public be, as very little information is known to us right now?

This new virus first flared up when Ayan got his sexy new gaming laptop, which I believe was the source of the pathogen. The first symptoms observed was a deathwish to learn graphics, and soon, watching large amount of graphics tutorials, spending time with other people infected with the virus, and finally, the ultimate lethal element- spending hours making graphics. I would say that there is no cause for a huge concern, unless you have the designer role in your roles list, or if you are a person who has knowledge of how to use Photoshop, Paint.net, GIMP or any other photo editing software- even the picture editor found on your mobile phones. Oh wait- so basically everyone can be a victim of this virus, I would like to issue a red alert for all troops to stay away from making all graphics!

It would be advisable to stay away from people with designer roles as well.

That’s worrying, but, do you happen to know if anyone else as of this moment, has the virus other than Patient Zero?

I know for sure that Patient Zero, Ayan, is infected beyond cure. The reason for that would be a certain situation that I like to call The ZambFactor. For the simpletons, ZambFactor is your level of involvement with a legendary graphics designer. Ayan is involved with the legend himself, Zamb. This is why he will never be cured. Our commander Vedant recently acquired this virus as well, and is now displaying third-stage symptoms as he launches two graphics giveaways for troops. Moreover, I have found evidence of

Jayden himself starting to get affected by the virus! I warn everyone to steer clear of these three victims.

Hm, it seems like the R-Naught factor is much larger than you had stated in the press interview a day ago. What would you say it is at now?

According to my calculations, the R-Naught factor of the virus is directly proportional to the ZambFactor, inversely proportional to the ‘number of friends with designer role’ of the person we are gauging, and directly proportional to how jobless you are. Simply put, the R-Naught factor of this virus is always going to be above 1.

Do you believe that any of the current COVID guidelines nations are following can be applicable to this new virus?

I believe that the GFXOVID virus blows all COVID guidelines out of the water. You should follow all the current COVID guidelines, but you also need to do the following in order to avoid contamination:

1) Uninstall any photo/video editing software that you have installed on your Mac, Tab, iPad, PC, Laptop or Mobile.

2) Get rid of the default photo editor in your mobile. If you can’t do that, toss your phone into the bin.

3) Block all video/gif/photo editing websites on any device you own.

Do you think that the government of HF will implement these safety protocols as well as lockdown the motherland? or do you think they’ll let it spread to achieve herd immunity?

Considering that almost half of the government is probably infected by now, I don’t think any of them will be in a position to enforce any safety protocols for the troops. Maybe we will achieve herd immunity or maybe we will all end up as slaves of this virus.

It seems like GFXOVID-21 is out on the loose and has already infected 3 people, with the R-Naught value above 1, it seems like this pathogen may keep doubling faster than lightspeed.


2 Responses

  1. Be wary of Jayden, Ayan and Vedant :0

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