Nap Segment Insights

Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping!

Today we’ll be going over how to steal food from the staff lounge. As many of you may know, the staff lounge is the second-most guarded part of Help Force, after the built-in movie theater and sauna. The lounge is guarded by locks on the door, security cameras, laser grids, alarms on the pantry, and one very large blue puffle. This guide will walk you through getting past all of the security, helping you to commit petty larceny, larceny, grand larceny, mega larceny, and unbelievably ultra larceny! Let’s get started.

First: the large blue puffle. This puffle sleeps right outside the staff lounge door, munching on cookies that the staff are cruelly deprived of. You can get past him by using the Help Force exclusive PUFFLE-AWAY SPRAY (all rights to Penguins Incorporated™, in no way affiliated with Penguin Incinerators™). Look at the blue puffle directly in all three of its eyes and spray until the bottle is empty. This will make the puffle run away as fast as it can in the opposite direction, so make sure to get out of its way.

Second: the locks on the door. There are two ways to get past this, and we’ll be discussing both.

Method one: Acquire a lockpicking kit. Find the tension wrench and pick. Carefully insert the pick inside the lock, use the tension wrench for support, and apply gentle pressure. The lock teeth should push themselves up and you’ll have an open door in no time! Keep in mind that as soon as you enter the room the laser grid will turn on, so take caution.

Method two: chainsaw.

Third: the security cameras. Once you get past the locks on the door, you’ll be inside the staff lounge. Be careful not to turn any lights on so the cameras can’t identify you. The cameras are located just above the door and above the fridge. If you don’t have an EMP handy to destroy all electronics in a 400-500 km radius, your best bet is to shine a very bright flashlight directly into the camera, hopefully blinding the staff on guard duty long enough to get the food and escape. If that doesn’t work, get a friend to go in first as bait. They’ll go to jail while you run in and get the goods. Only recommended if you have $50,000 available as bail money.

Fourth: the laser grid. This is by far the easiest obstacle to get by. When Elp purchased the lasers off the dark web he was unknowingly conned and actually bought red disco lights. If you’re prone to epilepsy / dancing like a queen (only seventeen) then you’re going to have to deactivate the lasers. You can do this by unplugging it.

Fifth: alarms. In the pantry is the jackpot: cookies, juice, chocolate, admin perms, you name it. Unfortunately, there’s a large siren located directly on the handle. There are two methods to dismantle it.

Method one: When you open the door, the alarm will begin to make a high-pitched screeching sound. Scream even louder to assert dominance.

Method two: again, just unplug it. If there’s no plug, try looking for batteries and take them out. And if those two aren’t an option, pour some water on it and hope that fries the circuits. If these all fail refer to method one.

If you’ve been following this guide then congrats, you’ve made it past security! Steal as much as you can from the pantry and hightail it out of there before Barnito comes in for his daily snack. Next week we’ll go over erasing fingerprints and creating a new identity to escape arrest.

That’s all for this week’s insight. Curious about anything nap or snack related? Comment below and I’ll write all about it! Until next week, comrades.

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  1. […] She acquired this post because of her dedication to the HF Beacon as well as her insightful Nap Segment Insights. […]

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