Down With The Commanders

Snowy, Rooboo, and Maya are the brilliant leaders and teachers of the army, the great strategists of tournaments, military commanders, and guides of the Help Force. Despite having these qualities that every leader strives for, they are not fit to be commanders. Although these individuals may seem innocent at first, they are hiding dark secrets which will now be exposed to the world. Note, this post is entirely satirical please don’t kill me blame Scorp uwu.


Snowy retired from her position as commander at the end of last year. After Desireus retired, she came back as commander to fill the vacancy. During her rule this year and last year, Snowy has committed an abundance of crimes against our glorious, gracious motherland which will now be exposed. An anonymous, unknown source named Scorp has provided evidence of Snowy’s crimes. Her biggest crime is one that has endangered the entire motherland. One that would make all criminals cower in fear as they see her. One that is so morally and ethically repulsive that no sane person would dare commit. She fed a visitor.

How could Snowy, our once innocent commander, commit such an atrocity? To not only say thank you to a visitor but to also give them food is such a dastardly crime. We don’t even feed our own staff food, but here Snowy is giving away our precious cookie supply to a visitor. That cookie could’ve been given to one of our loyal, brave, and hard-working troops, but she decided to give it to a visitor instead.

Snowy has even gone as far as to hide her crimes from the greatest, not knowing that such a task is impossible. We should not let a blatant visitor feeder lead our glorious army. Snowy’s leadership will eventually lead to an extreme famine caused by Snowy giving all of our cookies to the visitors. We cannot let this happen. We must coup her while we still have a chance.


Rooboo is the hottest most simpable out of the 3 commanders. People simp for Rooboo all the time, especially Choco, Help Force’s chocolate bar.

Despite popular support, Rooboo is hiding a dark secret, just like his fellow commanders. Rooboo has secretly been planting the seeds of doubt in our troops, setting us up for failure.

How could Rooboo say such a thing? To be okay with maxing as low as 5 should be a crime. We should do what Stalin did and set our targets really high. From now on, we should aim for 50+ for every event. While we would probably not max 50+ for every event, we would at least not reach a max of 5 and then stop trying. To make matters worse, Rooboo has also been engaging in embezzlement operations with ex-commander, Desireus.

“U give me confidence” is not a reference to Des’s hot voice, but rather Des’s skills in hiding evidence of embezzlement. With Des hiding evidence of their crimes, Rooboo has great confidence that they will not be caught. Unfortunately for them, I have evidence. Evidence that they have been misusing sapphires that were supposed to be spent on a brand-new vending machine for the staff.

Rooboo had given Desireus an entire sapphire. That sapphire was supposed to be the staff’s food budget, but instead of going towards a vending machine, it went towards Des and Rooboo’s pockets. While you may say that this picture is out of context, what context would justify giving someone a single sapphire? Even recruiting gives you 30 sapphires per recruit. Nothing gives you exactly 1. We cannot let someone that misuses funds like this stay in power. A coup is inevitable.


Maya is a mix of Snowy and Rooboo, guilty of giving away food to those that shouldn’t have food, as well as misusing funds to cause mass inflation across the motherland. Starting with the food, Maya has been too lenient in giving people food, especially considering that we are currently in a famine.

Maya is even more wasteful than Snowy when it comes to giving out cookies, but at least she isn’t giving them out to visitors. These cookies could’ve been planted in the ground to grow a forest of cookie trees, but Maya does not want that. Maya is against HF growing a sustainable source of food, as that would end the famine. By giving away cookies recklessly, she can keep everyone dependent on her for food. While this may seem bad, this is nothing compared to her misappropriation of funds.

In an attempt to cause hyperinflation, Maya gave Jo 100k sapphires, hoping that the blame would be put on him. Unfortunately for Maya, evidence had been collected that put her at fault for this inflation. Due to the swift actions of the staff team, a hyperinflation crisis was averted. We must coup Maya as fast as possible or else she’ll eventually cause the collapse of our economy.

In fact, we must coup all three of them as they will eventually cause the destruction of the army. We must act fast. It’s now or never. Join us in our uprising against the commanders. We will no longer be oppressed by them. We will restore power to the people and make our glorious, gracious motherland great again.

One Response

  1. so full

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