Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping! This week we have a special topic: rats. Where did they come from? What do they want? Are they the ones eating all the leaves off the trees? The answer to all of the above is maybe.
Rats, much like the locks on the vending machine, don’t do much. They hop around and sniff at the coffee maker, but they’re not useful, per say. They don’t attend events, they don’t help recruit, they don’t keep the chats clean, but they’re part of the ambiance.
The rats usually appear when the US chaos hours start. No one knows where they first came from. We do know that they live down in the basement (along with the emergency stash of maple syrup) but it’s uncertain how they found HF in the first place. A popular theory is the rats are a mass hallucination, but it’s more likely that they’re growing from the radiation spill that no one wanted to clean up.
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People who observe the rats say that they seem to have a hierarchy – the rat who jumps the highest gets to be in charge. It’s an odd system but a fair one.
Some people want to know why we don’t just get rid of the rats. While they’re not useful to the army, they’re an icon to nap segments and nappers everywhere. One of the rats managed to sleep twenty-seven hours in a day once. If you’re wondering how that’s possible, then don’t! It’s for your own safety : )
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A common myth about rats is that they like ketchup. This is false. In fact, rats hate ketchup so much that they declared war on it a few weeks ago. The war ended in 15 minutes after the rats realized none of them could actually hold a sword, but the moral victory is there. No ketchup cupcakes, tenjko.
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That’s all for this week’s insight. Curious about anything nap or snack related? Comment below and I’ll write all about it! Until next week, comrades.
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