Why You Shouldn’t Pay Your Taxes (Yet)

Our glorious, gracious motherland thrives off the taxes of its hard-working residents. However, this prosperity has only been given to the Commanders and other high-ranking officials. The tax money that gets collected from us hard-working soldiers does not benefit us, but rather it benefits the bourgeois scum at the top of the HF pyramid scheme. This is why we should not and will not pay our taxes. For legal reasons, I am required to say that this post is completely satirical and that we should all pay our dues to our glorious, gracious motherland.

Tax Fraud/Evasion

Despite the commanders being one of the only people that benefit from taxes, they still commit tax fraud. Although they evade taxes, they still say that they pay them, even claiming that they love taxes.

If Des loves taxes so much, maybe he can use the revenue from his coconut plantations to fund a brand-new staff vending machine. Maybe we could even get war insurance for when we invade New Hot Chocolate.


We pay so much in taxes, yet we are still starving. While the troops are somewhat taken care of, being given the occasional cookie for attending an event, the staff receive little to no food. If only we could eat Snowy.

With the amount of tax we pay, we could afford free foodcare. Free foodcare would include access to an unlimited buffet of cookies and access to Des’s coconut plantation. This free foodcare would also give the staff their long-awaited vending machine.

No More Snowy

This broken tax system was created by the dastardly Snowy. Snowy had threatened Elp at gunpoint to set up a broken tax system. Elp just wanted to help our glorious, gracious motherland, but Snowy couldn’t let him. Healthcare? Insurance? Food? Snowy just couldn’t let the people have that. Snowy wanted to force people to attend events, creating an army where everyone is reliant on attending events to survive.

Snowy then had the audacity to make a post encouraging people to not pay their taxes. In reality, this is a trap. A trap set up to allow Snowy to spot traitors in her regime. We won’t fall for her tricks, although we sort of are by protesting against the broken system. This is why we need to overthrow and capture Snowy, to ensure a fair and equitable tax system.

The New Tax System

This is where the “yet” part of my post comes into play. We must not pay taxes to Snowy’s corrupt regime. Instead, we should pay taxes to a new, fair regime. This regime will have Choco at the head, who will ensure that everyone is taxed properly and fairly, and to ensure that the tax money is being spent to help the people. Choco’s tax system will provide us with free foodcare, insurance, and healthcare, while costing less than Snowy’s crooked system. We must band together and stop paying our taxes until Choco manages to overthrow Snowy. If you are a woman and would like to help us, Choco’s DMs are open.


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