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Nervous Wick

It was one of those boring, sleepy days in the Help Force. People were dozing off, helmets were left unpolished, and some staff members were nibbling on some stale popcorn as they longed for more interesting times. Fortunately the day did not stay like this, because what happened next would be quite memorable. For, my comrades, this is the day that the infamous Nervous Wick incident occurred.

Elp was sitting on his lice throne, his fingers unconsciously fidgeting with some loose string on his seat. He let out a loud sigh of boredom. US Chaos hours weren’t until much later that day. ‘Why isn’t the entire day US Chaos’, he thought longingly. He wanted to do something, anything, apart from watching everyone slack off. That’s when it hit him: why not wake everyone up and cause chaos right now?

He took out the device he liked to call “The Lice Megaphone”. It was a regular old megaphone, but it had a lever on the side and different levels ranging from @everyone to @visitors imprinted on it. The Great Lice used it, hence it was the greatest megaphone. He decided to do some experimenting, and pushed the level above @everyone. A new level magically appeared on the megaphone, with the label “doomsday”. Elp took a deep breath. He flicked the microphone on, SNEEZED LOUDLY and then yelled, “TRAINEES! STAFF! COMMANDERS! HELPERS! VISITORS! EVERYONE, COME HERE! THERE’S AN EMERGENCY!”

Staff members jumped out of their skins. Junior Staff members choked on their stale popcorn. The Commanders and 2ics spilt their pina coladas.  Helpers were rudely interrupted in their classrooms, workplaces, homes, and conversations in the general space. Everyone suddenly got forcibly teleported to Elp’s feet, in various states. Some were wearing pyjamas, some were wearing miner hats, some were holding coconuts, and some weren’t wearing or holding anything. “Oh God what’s the matter now?”, everyone grumbled, as Elp cackled with glee at the chaos he had just caused.

“Oh you silly, foolish servants, I didn’t call you all because there’s something wrong, I called you because I was bored.”

Everyone was angry, they were tired of Elp pinging them so often, only for it to be about nothing. They all collectively stampeded towards Elp, who began escaping towards an exit. However, the staff members were waiting for him there, and as they surrounded him, he felt a sharp sensation in his side, as he fell to the ground. He struggled to not black out and get back up on his feet, but it was all futile.



“Where am I?” Elp grumbled, as he looked around him. He realized he was lying on a bed in a room surrounded by a group of people, consisting of a very annoyed doctor, some of his friends, and one of the staff members.

“You’re at the hospital Elp. You’re a bit slow,” Ayan smirked.

“Elp, you were stabbed,” Wynn said, shooting a dark look at Ayan. “Do you remember anything?”

“Uhhh…. only the moment when I fell down, and a few flashes of the ambulance ride to the hospital,” Elp said.

Wynn facepalmed. “That wasn’t an ambulance ride, I drove you.”

Elp stared at her. “But I heard a siren.”

“That was Ayan,” Scorp laughed, unable to keep a straight face.

“Sorry, I got nervous,” Ayan mumbled.

“Yeah, he got me,” a voice came from the back. It was none other than Nervous Zippo, holding a small, yellow pencil. Ayan thought it looked kinda familiar. The pencil had bloodstains on it.

“Nervous, can you not talk for a few seconds? Anyways, I got nervous and I got Nervous.” Ayan said.

“She stabbed me with a pencil?” Elp stared at them in disbelief.

“Not just any old pencil. That’s Aunt Arctic’s pencil,” Scorp sighed.

“How did she even-” Elp started, but he was so confused and stunned that he didn’t bother to finish his sentence.

Scorp shrugged, and said, “Nervous Hippo more like Nervous Wick. We’ve taken the proper countermeasures and banned all John Wick movies to prevent this from happening.”

Everyone looked at each other, and then suddenly realized the doctor had been glaring at them all for a while now.

“You goddamn coconuts done yet? Thank you. I have ordered some special medicines that will help prevent an infection, it should arrive soon. However, I don’t think it will be necessary, as the Lice’s body seems to be healing itself at a much faster rate than possible. Please, take him back as soon as the medicines arrive. You wouldn’t be needing those if Nervous hadn’t licked the pencil before stabbing him.” Nervous sheepishly grinned.

After filling out the paperwork, the group left the building. Nervous was tried for her crimes against Elp in Snowy’s court, and sentenced to spend five years in the mines. However, right in her first month there, she contracted the sus disease from Maya, who was there as well, and had to be rescued.

Needless to say, Elp didn’t learn from this experience, and continues to ping different roles with even more ferocity.


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2 Responses

  1. Lol I love it.

  2. lmao 😭💗

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