Mission Machete – I

A gloomy atmosphere had set in, as firmly lodged in as a dog digging down a rabbit hole. The rainstorm caused by the invading Water Vikings stopped three days ago, but the skies hadn’t cleared up yet. It was evening now, and Scorp’s office was starting to get darker. He finally laid down the pen that hadn’t rested since seven hours now. Unlike the rest of the staff, he preferred writing out battle plans and reports on paper. The clock began beeping at the exact moment he kept the pen down. It was 4:30 pm. Thirty minutes before Elp’s daily pings. This was the time to go enjoy a cup of coffee. Once Elp arrived, Joe and Jayden would start overloading the canteen, ordering cold coffees and fresh virgin pina coladas for the Great Lice. He filed the papers, picked up his keys and exited the office. As he locked the doors, the various sounds that filled the headquarters began making themselves more prominent. An engine was revving in Desireus’ office. It was always a wonder how he managed to get engines and vehicles into his office. Maya’s office, located two doors away, seemed to be the source of some very sus noises. “Yikes – it’s better to not investigate that”, he thought to himself. Somewhere, a cat screamed and knocked something over. “Is Ayan kicking Snowy’s cats again?” After a pause, he laughed and said out loud, “Obviously”.

As he rode the richly decorated elevator down to the lower floors, a commotion began growing in volume. The elevator stopped at the Commander’s Watch Residence, and a squadron of Commodores – the most elite troops of the Help Force – scurried into the elevator. He glared at them in disapproval as they failed to salute immediately. “What’s going on down there, is someone getting executed again?” he asked. Earthly Godly, one of the commodores, replied, “No Scorp, Desi and Maya are giving out free coconuts again so everyone is attempting to gain some sustenance.” Scorp sighed. Three months earlier, somehow, Desi and Maya discovered a coconut plantation. Ever since then, the number of coconuts being given out continued to rise, leading to drastic drops in professionalism and recruiting segments. It was thought that this influence would die out once the rains began. After all, who would even want to drink coconut water in the cold, damp rainy atmosphere? However, it seemed like people would do anything for food.

As the elevator doors opened out on to the ground floor, Scorp was greeted by an unbelievably large crowd of troops, juniors and even some lower ranked staff. “If only this many people came to battles, we would be #1 right now”, he thought. He made his way through the crowd, towards the center of the room. Desireus stood there on the roof of an Aston Martin. Maya was busy fetching coconuts from the car, tossing them to Desireus, who in turn threw them out towards the troops. As he was about to throw another coconut, walking towards him, Scorp yelled, “DESIREUS WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING”. The guy, taken by surprised, whirled towards Scorp and accidentally threw the coconut. It narrowly missed Scorp’s head, and thumped into some troop behind him, knocking her over. “Oh hey Scorp – yikes, sorry about that-“, Desireus began saying.

“No, what do you even think you’re doing?”, Scorp asked as he fixed his hair and smoothed out his ruffled clothes.

“Uhhh giving out coconuts?”

“For free? Again? We talked about this before!”

“yeahhhhh but like people were getting really hungry man…”

Scorp stared at him. Maya popped out from the car, and saw Scorp.

“Oh hey Scorp, want a coconut?”

“No. When are you gonna stop this?”

“Well, its kinda hard to tell at the moment. Let’s see, we have around 60% of the plantation left to harvest… I’d say we can keep going for another year!” Maya exclaimed in joy.

“And what about the recruiting?”

“Oh don’t worry about that, we’ll take care of it! We’ll definitely recruit a lot!”

“Can you do a segment today?”

“Sorry man, we’re giving out coconuts today.”


“Giving out coconuts”

“Next week.”


“Next month”


“TWO months?”



Scorp walked away from the headquarters, towards the canteen, thinking about how he could solve this obvious obsession. He stood at the intersection, waiting for the lights to turn green. He noticed a man in athleisure clothes trying to discreetly stalk a man in a suit carrying a briefcase. As the light turned green, he began sprinting, snatched the briefcase and starting sprinting away – only to splendidly get tackled by a guy running towards him from the direction he began running in. The guy who performed the impressive tackle was wearing a grey hoodie and black faded jeans. As the guy restrained the thief and pinned him to the ground, two police officers came rushing towards the crime scene.

“Thank you for your contribution, Detective Delhi. We’re here now, we’ll take it from here!” Then they made sure that the businessman wasn’t hurt, apologized for the inconvenience, and handcuffed the thief and led him away. The detective stood up, glanced at his hoodie and grimaced on seeing the dirt. Then he sighed and started walking away. Scorp stared after him in surprise. “Somehow, that incredible person managed to stop the criminal within seconds of him committing the crime.” he thought. “Even the thief did not know when he was going to steal the case, how did he manage to predict his movements and subdue him so easily?!”

The thought kept boggling his mind throughout the time he spent at the café. He didn’t even notice that the barista accidentally served him a latte instead of his usual cappuccino. However, by the time he made it back to the headquarters, he knew what he was going to do next.

One Response

  1. What in the coconut heavens, this deserves a rating of coconut/10, good coconut

Your Answer (no email required)

%d bloggers like this: