[SATIRE] The De-RIG-cious Awards

The “De-Lice-ious Awards” are all set to start this week, and before it’s too late, THIS needs to be put out there. The award show is RIGGED. I am risking my position and reputation with the HF Staff by posting this, but the helpers deserve justice.

Every year, since 2020 the De-lice-ious awards has given the helpers amazing awards. Last year, it was kept between the Hcomm about how rigged this ceremony was, so I didn’t know anything about it, but this year, the Commanders involved all the HF Staff, so we all know EVERYTHING. Now, you may ask, “why is this rigged” and “why are you telling us Best Web-Head :spider_web: :head_bandage:“?

Well, the reason is simple. THE HYPOCRISY AND LIES TOLD BY HF’S COMMANDERS CAN GO NO FURTHER. I chose overtime?? day to post this so that HF’s Commanders can see the hypocrisy they bestowed upon the army. Complaining about something being rigged as you rig the most famous award show in CPA History is NOT RIGHT. At first, I thought, “maybe it’s only 2021’s awards that are rigged since not many people are voting”. But then I realised, 2020 was also rigged. Elp magically won 4 awards. Nobody likes Elp. Anyways, some more proof is that I won the weirdest staff last year. Which makes no sense because I’m awesome. I even got nominated this year and LYD didn’t! She likes to send videos of grass to everyone… Like that’s very weird.

Evidence #1

If you are looking for more literal proof, I was DM’d by Elp last night, asking me about who I think should win Best Helper, not long before we were all placed in a group chat discussing the other award winners.

Elp asking me to choose a winner

Evidence #2

To make things even worse and to #BoycottElp, I managed to convince another leader to dig up some evidence as to this being rigged. What I was not expecting was ROOBOO rigging the system to win the best staff.

I asked Ayan what he thinks of this being rigged and here’s what he told me:

The De-lice-ious awards are set to happen this weekend and there’s nothing we can do but #BoycottElp for a democratic HF. One day, will we get the democracy we desire and move away from Elps reign over his “Glorious Gracious Motherland”. Justice for the Helpers will prevail. Now, before I get fired I would just like to say that some sources are pointing towards a greater picture.

Evidence #3

CPMaster joined merely a few hours ago, and my source pointed me towards a supposed deal that was in progress. Possibly hinting that someone else might be winning an award.

Elp did seem interested in the business proposal and it’s possible he might have accepted it. I know a lot has been covered today and I hope you all remember it till the De-RIG-cious awards as Elp is a maniacal human being and will stop at nothing to rig these awards to get things done, his way.

We can clearly come to a conclusion that Elp is ruining the little democratic structure that remains in HF. It’s time we step up for a change. If the votes are not important, why have them? Why go through so much agony of making polls, voting procedures and other things just to throw it in the bin. It’s like making 2 people battle when you know the winner and going into overtime?? to make sure the person wins! HF’s leadership is nothing but a hypocritical clown school. Break me out of HF Prison, ty.

Find out who actually won or rigged the awards at the Awards Ceremony on Sunday 30th 2 PM EST / 7 PM BST / 11:30 PM IST

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