Hello, Helpers, and welcome to the weekly installment of Nap Segment Insights! Those of you who were around in early 2021 may remember my short-lived and ill-advised series based on nap segments. If you do remember this series, I only have one question: Why the hell are you still around?
This week’s topic will be Desireus’ coconuts: Delicious snack, or clever tax evasion scheme?
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping!
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This week’s topic is snacks. Everyone knows that a good nap seg involves food, but what makes the food special, exactly? Roasting it over a campfire? Stealing it from the staff lounge? The lack of ketchup? The answer is all of the above.
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping! This week’s topic is the fact that Elp hasn’t fed the staff in two weeks and everyone’s starting to mass hallucinate.
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping! This week we’re finally going to be talking about napping and its consequences.
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping! This week we have a special topic: rats. Where did they come from? What do they want? Are they the ones eating all the leaves off the trees? The answer to all of the above is maybe.
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping!
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping! I’m sorry for not updating last week; in order to know what I’m writing about, I decided to take a nap. Unfortunately, that nap turned into a coma and I think I broke the world record for longest time asleep.
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping!
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If you’ve been following this series (of course you have), you’ll know that two weeks ago Maya and Wynn broke me out of HF prison. I was there because I didn’t want to starve, and apparently in HF that’s a crime. Cool. I might’ve been breaking and entering, too, but honestly there’s so many rules. How am I supposed to know them all? They can’t all matter, right? That’d be crazy.
(Just to be clear here, I’m not suggesting that you break the snack rules in HF. I am encouraging you to break them.
Currently we’re living on the road like a couple of wild pigeons, if the road was underwater and the pigeons were government spies at their headquarters in the Bermuda Triangle, exactly 16,800 pina coladas below sea level. You didn’t hear that from me, by the way.
We’ve been on the run for a little while now, but no staff have tried to catch us yet. Our theory is that the uno game that started three weeks ago is still going on. They could just end the game and go after us, but death before dishonor and all that.
I kept a log for the first two weeks of our escape. Why for only the first two weeks, you may ask? Well, the answer is that I left the notebook at a random gas station in Canada and no one felt like going back for it. You can read the important parts of the log below:
Log, Day 1: Cookies are being rationed out. Theoretically they could last a week, maybe two, but I believe I may lack self-restraint.
Log, Day 2: Morale is high. We had the foresight to steal a bag of stamps on the way out and plan to sell them on the black market. Cookie rations are lowering.
Log, Day 5: Apparently stamps aren’t one of the things sold on the black market.
Log, Day 6: Today we jumped into the back of a train. No idea where we’re going. I think there’s a puffle following us around.
Log, Day 7: The train took us to another train station, We boarded another train and the same thing happened. Our plan is to keep stowing away on trains. There’s definitely a puffle following us.
Log, Day 10: At a different train station now. Lots of people. Cookies are running out. We may need to sneak back into the staff lounge for supplies.
Log, Day 11: Maya is down to her last three lollipops. This is the lowest we’ve been at. I’m beginning to wonder if we’re going to starve.
Log, Day 13: Nothing important has been happening, other than us deciding to go back to HF and quietly pretend like nothing happened.
Log, Day 14: We’re out of cookies. I don’t know where to go from here. We’re stopping at a gas station. Must remember not to leave notebook behind.
Quite the adventure, eh? We’re still debating whether or not to go back to HF, but maybe we could twist things in our favor. How would you feel about replacing the current staff team with cookie vending machines?
That’s all for this week’s insight. Curious about anything nap or snack related? Comment below and I’ll write all about it! Until next week, comrades.
Welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping!
