Nap Segment Insights: Coconut Scandal

Hello, Helpers, and welcome to the weekly installment of Nap Segment Insights! Those of you who were around in early 2021 may remember my short-lived and ill-advised series based on nap segments. If you do remember this series, I only have one question: Why the hell are you still around?

This week’s topic will be Desireus’ coconuts: Delicious snack, or clever tax evasion scheme?

First, some background information. The coconut first appeared in Help Force several months ago, under circumstances unknown to anyone still active in Help Force. Desireus opened his first coconut plantation back in August 2022 and has since expanded to a global enterprise, operating over a hundred factories in nine different continents.

In light of his recent success, the Help Force blogger team reached out to Desireus for an interview. He declined, explaining that he was busy forging tax forms that day, and then hastily corrected himself to say that he wasn’t evading anything, he was just starving his workers. In hindsight, that should have been my first clue. I myself was preoccupied that day with forging my own tax forms and didn’t give it a second thought.

Further proof for Desireus’ illegal coconut practices include security footage of inside his factory, which I obtained illegally. These show videos of workers gluing brown fur onto rocks to pass as coconuts and smuggling coconuts in boxes, shipped directly to Desireus’ office in Help Force. I can only assume that Desireus uses these coconuts to bribe staff members into helping him evade taxes, and when they refuse, just chuck the coconut straight at their head.

In spite of the tax evasion going on at Desireus’ coconut plantation, tax evasion in Help Force has gone down 100% ever since I retired. I have no explanation for this. Further questions will not be tolerated.

As far as Desireus’ tax evasion goes, I urge all of you to demand that a trial be held to declare him… innocent, because the HF court system is rigged (but still entertaining). Since that won’t work, the next best thing is to declare a strike and demand better workplace conditions, like being paid and working less than 22 hours a day. Staff, if you’re reading this, it’s time to go on strike.

That’s all for this week’s insight! Remember to comment below your favorite part about nap segments and remember, keep on napping.

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