WARNING: THIS POST IS NOT A SATIRE, IT WAS DEFINITELY MADE IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, AND YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY TAKE IT SERIOUSLY, YOU SOULD TOTALLY IGNORE THE TITLE!
Scorp’s Office – It’s been a long time here, not as long as people like ROOBOO or Ru or Snowy or Wynn, but I’ve been here since more than half a year now. And it’s time to finally say goodbye to this beautiful, amazing army, which has given me so many things. Nah just kidding, retirement is for losers. This post is about something that I found worth investigating, something strange and scandalous… get ready for a ton of tea. Brits be like “I drink that much tea daily”. Why are you laughing, Indians… you drink that much for breakfast.
If you are active in the Help Force, I am sure that by now you noticed something called “nap segments”. It sounds very cringe, doesn’t it? When I first saw it I asked the old staff members about what it meant. They explained that they have recruiting segments, but sometimes instead of recruiting they take a nap. I assumed it was just a part of their weirdness. Help Force was extremely weird as a community back in November 2020. And I never paid attention to nap segments again, until recent times.
Following our declaration of war against the Western Bloc, I found myself directly responsible for making sure there were enough recruits for the AUSIA battles. And that is where I re-encountered nap segments. Since then, I have found myself getting more and more curious about exactly what are these nap segments.
I often found that in recent times, it was either Maya, Wynn, or Snowy who organized nap segments. These three people usually avoid me for some reason, but I managed to catch Maya while she was in the middle of a pointless conversation in general chat. When I asked her exactly who was involved with nap segments and how they began, she kept her mouth shut and refused to reveal any of her secrets. The only thing I could force out of her was, as per her claims, “It was US division that started it.”
Of course, these sus answers from the sus queen did not satisfy my curiosity, and I launched my own investigations. And that is when I found out, it was indeed US people who started it! Maya actually did not do anything sus for once, how sus is that :0 I collected a bunch of screenshots, and it turns out, while the idea was existing a long time before, it was komal who first publicly voiced having a nap segment. Soon, prominent Helpers like Phoenix and Planet picked up this idea and began starting a movement to launch nap segments. They were soon joined by Maya, Snowy and Wynn, and later by new generation people like Mantiuxx and NervousZippo. At one point, even Elp supported these nap segments (surprisingly). The official command was created by Wynn in September this year after she earned her Second in Command perms, and thus began the tradition of spamming :snoopynap: emojis.
But this all got me wondering, what is the reality behind these segments? Do people actually sleep during a nap segment? No, they don’t, they just hurt their eyes and their internet more by spamming emojis and flooding our chats. It’s weird, because the organizers of the nap segments like Maya and Wynn often corner random, hard working staff members and tell them to go to sleep instead of working. But they don’t actually sleep in these segments, so what is the point? To have fun? Is spamming emojis the new future of resting? It seems that there is no logic behind these segments.
Another notable point is something much more serious. As you have probably noticed, more and more people are getting busy following the end of the lockdown. This makes recruiting new people more important than it ever was. However, nap segments in the middle of the day often distract recruiters, waste their energy and end up robbing HF a chance of getting more recruits. This is a serious concern! This is why great leaders like Ayan were forced to resort to enforcing a ban on nap segments, which was recently revoked by Snowy and Wynn who are the new Commanders. :/
Are nap segments really worth the trouble and the damage to our army? Is sleep really more important than making our glorious gracious motherland rise above all other enemies? Will we ever get the answers to these questions? As the staff members know, I’m impatient when it comes to work. Instead of waiting for answers, I decided to arrest all of the US Staff members involved in the nap segment scandal and interrogate them.
Is it true that you don’t actually sleep during nap segments? Why do you even call it nap segments if you don’t sleep?
Snowy: I have no idea what you’re implying here, of course we sleep, sometimes even more than 4 or 5 seconds at a time. If we didn’t sleep they wouldn’t be nap segments, which is false advertising, and of course we wouldn’t do that in HF
Has anyone slept for more than 1 minute at a nap segment?
Snowy: I’m sorry, but that information is on a need-to-know basis
You’re being interrogated-
Snowy: I demand a lawyer
*glares*
Snowy: Fine, some people have had their eyes closed for over a minute, but whether they were sleeping or imagining getting fed is unclear
Maya: We do sleep, we send emotes and give out cookies, milk, have a campfire, etc. We even change our nicknames for it so people know we are sleeping or napping. the host stays up for a bit to give out the snacks and make sure the fire is nice and warm
Wynn: That’s an utter lie. I do sleep always when i start a nap segment and i even host a competition – whoever falls asleep first, wins. There are exclusive rewards but sadly we were never able to hand them as we couldn’t determine the winners
Phoenix: who told you we don’t sleep at nap segs???? Nap segs are the ONLY time we can sleep! Everyone other second of the day is spent in the mines and serving our penguin overlords.
Mantiuxx: Because you rest like a nap, enjoy some time escaping reality like sleep, and you can have fun with the nap emojis and names
*They kept lying until finally one of them snapped and revealed the truth:
flypin: I say sleep is for the weak. Nap segments are metaphorical naps. When you nap, you escape reality. Nap segments are designed to enable members of hf to neglect their responsibilities such as going to events, recruiting, chatting, etc! This includes following rules. Basically anything hf was ever built around is completely irrelevant during a nap segment. Pure chaos reigns.
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How do you propose to make up for all the time that you have lost while napping? Will HF ever get those recruiting hours back from you?
Snowy: I do not propose to make up for any time spent unconscious, napping or otherwise. As for making up recruiting hours, this will be done by having an emergency 24 hour recruitment, effective immediately. This interview is put on hiatus for the next 24 hours
After this, the rounded up criminals refused to answer and began shaming me and threatening to remove my perms and other such stuff, and for the sake of preserving justice I decided to give up and finish my case 🙁
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Now you know the truth about nap segments. Will this mass organized crime ever stop? Why is such an atrocity permitted by our governments? I call upon you, loyal citizens of the Help Force motherland, to rise against such petty crimes and devote yourself truly to the Help Force!
Scorp
Help Force Admiral
Filed under: Help Force CP Tagged: | Blue Guitars CPR, Blue Guitars Gang CPR, blue letterman jacket gang cpr, CPR Helpforce, CPR Stamp Heist, Help Force, Helpers, HF, Nap Segments, Satire, Scorp, Stamp Heist CPR
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