Hello Helpers! I have here for you an unauthorized story, written several months ago, dusted off, and posted for your amusement. Proceed with caution.
This will make sense once you start reading
It was not a glorious gracious day in the Glorious Gracious Motherland, in spite of what the propaganda might tell you. As always, this was because of Elp.
It all started when Pavle gave out his last sapphire and went to go retire on a tropical island. Without Pavle around, there was no currency to compare ayan hats to and no server debt for Elp to collect. This made Elp upset, and no amount of banned visitors or unfairly muted staff members could make up for it.
One day, Elp decided he had enough and he would build his own tax bot. There was only one problem: he didn’t know anything about creating bots, but he didn’t let that stop him. He probably should have. He gathered some materials for building a robot – sapphires from the mines, chaos, googly eyes – and brought them to Ayan’s office to begin working. He wasn’t using his own office because he didn’t want to fill it with robot clutter, and no one wanted to use the curry office, anyway. It was the perfect undisturbed workplace.
Unfortunately, Javi realized the same thing. She had been using Ayan’s office for weeks to stash her gambling winnings so she could avoid paying taxes on them. Everything, from drawers to floorboards to inside tournament trophies, was filled to the brim with coins.
An example of Javi’s gambling addiction
All of this was unknown to Elp, though, and he spent the next few hours working hard at his new bot. He took a break for US chaos hours and to ban some visitors. After he left, Javi came in to stash her afternoon gambling winnings before earning her night gambling ones. She noticed the bot sitting on the desk but didn’t think twice.
“This looks safe,” she said, and dumped a pile of coins on top of it. It whirred to life, but Javi was so busy rushing to the casino to gamble some more that she didn’t notice.
Later that day, as Choco was walking past Ayan’s office to feed the wild rats outside, he noticed a strange light and a whirring sound coming from under the door. He cracked the door open and shut it immediately. “Not tasty,” he said to himself. “Very unsafe.” He was about to go and find Elp, but Jo called him over to set some Minecraft houses on fire and he forgot all about it.
Nobody noticed that anything was wrong until the next morning, because all the staff spent the next several hours working the night shift in the mines. Elp started the day by executing a few visitors, and then called a mandatory meeting with the staff to introduce them to the new bot. They were Maya, Desireus, Mantiuxx, Choco, and Javi. Javi especially had to pay the gambling tax, which she was over ten million ayan hats behind on.
“I have an unpleasant surprise for you all,” said Elp, just outside the door to Ayan’s office. “My comrades, it is with great pleasure that I present to you the newest HF bot. It works by directly taking money from your bank accounts without calculating the tax first.” The staff all groaned except for Des, who was able to use his coconut plantation as a money laundering scheme.
Elp unlocked the office and swung open the door. The tax bot was spinning in circles, and as soon as it saw people, began shooting coins at them. They ricocheted off the walls as the staff frantically ducked, but one of the coins shattered a light fixture above the doorframe. Sparks and coins flew everywhere, and the robot exploded. The room was bathed in a blinding light, and then darkness.
Choco was the first one to wake up. The first thing he noticed was that he was still in what looked like Ayan’s office, but something seemed… off. There were coins everywhere, for one thing, and a Javi running around trying to grab them all. “Tasty,” he said to himself.
One of the only words in Choco’s vocabulary
Maya and Mantiuxx woke up next. Maya tried checking the time on her Apple watch, but the screen was cracked and it wouldn’t turn on. The sound of Javi stacking her coins woke everyone else up, and soon they were scrambling to turn on the light and get out of there.
Elp opened the office door and stepped into the hallway. Everything was eerily quiet, and as they walked around, they realized the whole place was empty. Even the possum infestation in the cafeteria was gone.
“It’s impossible,” said Des. “They couldn’t all have disappeared so quickly. There’s no troops, no staff, not even a single visitor to ban. And–my coconuts!” Des took off in a run from the rest of the group, rushing to his coconut farm. Everyone followed him except for Javi, who was still stuffing her pockets with coins.
Finally they reached the coconut plantation. The whole place was empty; not even a single coconut was left. Des grabbed his head in disbelief. “My coconuts, my tax evasion scheme, it’s all gone. I thought it would last longer than this.”
“I thought your mom would last longer than this,” replied Mantiuxx.
“Enough about his promiscuous mother,” said Elp. “We have a catastrophe on our hands. How long were we in there? Where did everyone go? Who the heck banned all the visitors without me? I demand answers.”
Maya was carefully stepping around the hallways and noticed a calendar hanging on the wall. “Look,” she said, pointing at it. It was dated for April 27, 2024, exactly one year into the future.
“Impossumable,” sputtered Elp. “I specifically designed the bot not to cause any spacetime rifts and send anyone into the future. Unless…” He turned around to face Javi, who had finally caught up with the group. Her pockets and hands were stuffed with coins, and she could barely carry them all.
Javi 24/7
“Javi,” said Elp, “where did all those coins come from?”
Javi opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by Choco. “I found something!” he said, waving a notebook in the air. Maya recognized it as the HF history page journal, meant for commanders to keep track of their accomplishments if they had any. It hadn’t been used since 2020. As Choco flipped through it, though, she noticed that someone had been writing things in it again. Before she could grab it, Elp snatched the notebook from Choco’s hands. “I’m confiscating this,” he said. “We don’t know who’s been here or what happened, and we need to proceed with caution. Your first order of business is to get this place running again.”
The staff grumbled but they went out to search for some food and blankets for the night. Mantiuxx found old cans of low-quality staff food rations, and Desireus got some bedding from the abandoned staff apartments. Luckily the bedding was extremely flammable and they had no trouble getting a campfire started.
That night, as they picked food out of the cans around the campfire, everyone had the same questions on their mind. How had they traveled a year into the future? What happened to everyone?
Stay tuned for part two
Filed under: Club Penguin, Club Penguin Army, Original Stories, Web Series Tagged: | Original Stories, Snowy, Snowy HF
Your Answer (no email required)