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Enforcer’s Demonic Polls

ZIPLINE, Scorp’s Office – Recently, I stepped down from my position from Second in Command. Since Jayden, another retired 2ic, is busy with his exams, a thought occurred to me – would people even notice if a different retired 2ic wrote Jayden’s column? Thus, I decided to conduct this experiment. As expected, no one I DMed questioned why a different person was taking the poll this week! Except Ru. Fucking. Emma. Always noticing everything. Screw you, Ru, I had a legendary joke planned.

Under normal circumstances, Jayden not being here would be good news. However, I’m twice as enthusiastic as Jayden when it comes to bullying staff! SO LET US COMMENCE THE ENFORCER’S DEMONIC POLLS! Credits to based Aaronstone for the nickname.

Let’s start off by saying that this poll is not meant to be serious in any way. If you weren’t a part of the polls, it’s because I don’t intend to bully or insult you. Don’t take anything personally. If you take it personally, you can take it and shove it up your ass. Tell your cow about it.  

For today’s polls, I decided to interview a VERY SPECIAL GROUP OF PEOPLE! This special group was my entire list of online friends at 11 pm IST. Thus, today’s post is gonna involve a few of our stinky visitors as well. Since yk, unlike you, I’m relevant outside of Help Force as well. Ofc, it also includes some of our staff and innocent troops! Except, some of these idiots didn’t respond. So, as of the time of writing this post, the people who have responded are:

Ayan’s Secretaries: Aaronstone, Zamb, 32op

Visitor: Vanish

Second In Command: Mayathefirst, Rooboo, Desireus

Admiral: Alex1904

Marshal: Nervous Zippo

General: Delitager

Commander (why): Wynn, Snowy

Junior Staff (why): potatolover, eshal, ally

In reality, Jayden is busy with some work so I’m taking over this post. However, I’ll tell you a secret. I actually hacked into his school systems to make sure he was too busy with work this week. I am so tired of his incompetence in bullying staff. There could have been better ways to bully them than a silly little poll. Like stealing their pizzas (hi Ally!). Or forcing them to make graphics (hi Nightfury!). Or forcing them to write Original Stories (hi Javi!). But somehow, I got stuck doing the same thing he was doing. Eh, I guess now that I’m here I have to do this thing right >:)

Polls Section

Which of these event themes do you prefer?

You can clearly see the nostalgic idiots who are still obsessed with the CP Rewritten vibes. Grow up, its dead, it was always meant to be dead. IMAGINE still being stuck in 2021, liking the Coffee Apron and Pizza Apron takeovers. What do you wanna do next, yell “JOIN OUR TAKEOVER” to the maximum five locals, who don’t give a shit about you and report you to the even shittier mods? Choose better themes!

Ally, Potatolover, Delitager and Snowy have LOST THE RIGHTS to voice their opinions at event theme planning meetings as a result of this poll.

Which formation do you prefer to do in Stadium?

It is surprising to see so many of these dumb people pick the right option. Nervous Zippo and 32op, you need to get your braincells checked cuz Anchor is literally the one of the worst starting formations you could pick for Stadium. The X is literally sitting right there, begging you to pick it! The only time an anchor is good is when the opposing army stole the X and you have no other formation option left. And even then it’s still a pretty bad idea.

Good job to the rest of you who somehow managed to pick the correct option. You probably got lucky because of the amount of times X is OVERUSED in HF events. Like literally if you asked a HF person to pick a random formation they’d go “X”. Stop being obsessed with it. There’s so many better formations. Like “the Ayan” or “the Luciferstar”. WHEN will you finally adopt these legendary creations?

Which drink would you prefer to drink?

The correct answer is, of course, Virgin Pina Coladas. Not only is it the drink endorsed by none other than Elp, the greatest Lice ever, but it’s also a million times better than the completely disgusting mixture that is Mixed Fruit Mocktail. Nothing can beat a good virgin pina colada. Yet, Snowy, potatolover, and aaronstone have chosen to die at the hands of Elp instead of picking the right option.

Which of the following pizza toppings do you prefer the most?

When I first wrote this highly controversial question into the form, all my fellow editors – aka my fictional dog – were like “NOOOOOOO YOU CANNOT DO THAT IT WILL BECOME A DISASTER” and I was like “hold my glass dawg”. Fortunately, most (80%) of the people pulled through and gave the correct answers. Now, let’s take a look at the three tongueless, stomachless, absolute bots who chose pineapple – Wynn, potatolover, and once again, we have with us Snowy. The Commanders of the Help Force love pineapple on pizza. We are doomed. This is an outrage. There are too many reasons to coup these two fools and it begins with pineapple on pizza. This is a call to arms to all the armies out there, declare war on HF and take down these two pineapple pizza loving Commanders, the staff and the troops will support you!

This poll once again makes me so happy, I almost started questioning why I’m bullying these people. Then I saw that there were a few blue responses and I knew I had to do this for the sake of the community. I absolutely cannot believe this – but my own student, Delitager, is one of the people who picked the bullshit songs over those classics. Or maybe I should’ve expected this, considering she also plays Roblox and Brawl Stars and watches completely irrelevant tv shows. HOW CRINGE CAN YOU GET DELITAGER?!?! Literally every day I discover something about this woman that’s even more cringe.

Which of the following things would you rather be caught doing?

Are you seeing this? Help Force members would rather be demoted, banned, and sent to hell to work in the pseudo mines forever rather than be caught troopstealing. Heck, they’d even multi log or deface armies to avoid troopstealing. That’s how horrible troopstealing is, and yet people continue to do it till this date. Stop taking staff with you when you retire. Bitch just retire, your time is over, join another army and do whatever the fuck you want. Why do you wanna manipulate your friends into eating shit with you?

An alarming 73.3% of the people have absolutely no respect for themselves and chose the green option. At this rate, its fair to assume that you’re simply not aware of the consequences that follow being caught eating food by Elp. And as for the people who chose Defacing or Multilogging, welcome to Aaronstone league, we absolutely love to have you here! You’ll get assigned as mentees to some of the greatest people of your chosen career interest!

Thank you for reading this guest appearance edition of Jellyfish’s Stinky Polls! I definitely did not force Jayden to let me write this without asking for his thoughts on it. Nope. I’m not that bad! Writing this column has been an awesome experience, and I now understand why Jayden likes to do this so much. It’s because if he did this face to face we’d roast the shit out of him. Cya in the next post! Insert ‘BOOBLEWOO’ or whatever he likes to say

8 Responses

  1. imagine not commenting on scoprs post

  2. If you’re wondering where Jayden is, he got piles

  3. Pineapple on pizza oh my

  4. X or Anchor-simplistic ftw

  5. I like this post a lot, do more polls and expose us please <3

  6. polls are usually better when stinkier but alright i guess this works

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