Elp Expose Post

Greetings, Helpers. This an expose post on the one you call “The Greatest.” Elp, you know what you did smh.

The Trials

Anyone who’s active in HF during US hours has witnessed at least one of the so-called “trials” orchestrated by Elp. They usually start with a mass Visitor ping, and then one visitor is kidnapped and put on trial. They have the right to a lawyer but the lawyer is almost always a Helper, not a fellow visitor. The kidnapped visitor has the right to remain silent and then they have the right to sit down and shut up while the trial goes on.

The trials in Help Force are methodological and always follow the same format. The judge, Elp, listens to the prosecutor’s case against the defendant and then comes to a decision. The prosecutor is also Elp. The lawyer representing the offender, also Elp, gets to give a long speech about visitors being second-class Helpers. Finally, the jury composed of exactly one Elp unanimously declares the visitor guilty and they’re either forced to lead the army or banned. The only thing missing from these trials is actual evidence.

You can see how rigged the whole thing is. Entertaining, though.

In spite of what it might seem like, Elp is a true believer that everyone is born equal. He proves this by treating everyone equally badly. This might seem counter intuitive; if everyone is born equal, why is Elp more equal than the rest? The only answer I can think of for this is Elp is not human. I have no further information for this, but I can only assume that it’s completely true. What is he if he’s not human? How the hell would I know?

The Taxes

List of things Elp has taxed, is currently taxing, and will tax in the future:
Gambling, not gambling, breathing, existing, promotions, demotions, being staff, leaving the server, cats, talking in another army, leading, attending events, joining the server, eating, pinging, studying, touching grass, retiring, making fun of Elp, having roles, being a visitor, thinking about food, taking a nap, not being the Greatest, paying taxes, not paying taxes, and making lists.

Normally governments impose taxes in order to improve the lives of its citizens. Elp chooses to view this as suggestion. You might be wondering, Why does Elp have the right to tax anyone if he’s not commander? and that’s a great question. The answer is that he doesn’t. Somebody decided to give him an admin role and he’s been abusing it ever since. Coincidentally, abusing admin perms stopped being a crime in HF when I became Commander because I was more concerned with getting rid of the rat infestation I had caused as an Admiral. Is the tax crisis my fault? Possibly. Is it useless to blame one person for the HF national debt? Definitely.

In conclusion, Elp is the greatest. Please don’t ban me.

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