Nap Segment Insights

Hello and welcome back to Nap Segment Insights, a weekly series dedicated to everyone’s favorite type of seg: napping! This week we’re going to have an exclusive post to celebrate the three year anniversary of Help Force. Congrats on aging, HF!

To honor this special day, we’re going to go over some Help Force history that may or may not be accurate.

A Brief History of Napping in the Help Force

As many people know, the kava nap began circa early 2019. The leader Kavacado was infamous for her “short little naps” that could last as long as 12 hours. Kava naps are a highly contagious disease that included the following symptoms:

Eating avocados
Falling asleep as soon as you join vc
Sudden JTS appearance
The need to start a coup against a cow
Speaking in Russian

As you can see, kava naps are incredibly dangerous to have. I advise you all to take the following precautions:

Lmao I get paid for sponsoring kava naps you’re outta luck.

In case that you do find yourself infected, it is advised by authorities at the WHO that you self-quarantine for 2-3 weeks, as well as follow these at-home remedies:

Drink caffeine if you find yourself unable to stay awake
Get yourself into a sleep schedule
Don’t try to search for “kava naps” on the WHO website
Meditate and do yoga when you wake up
I mean it, don’t search for kava naps on google either
Relax your mind at night by taking a warm shower
What are you, a cop? Stop searching for kava naps. What’s wrong with you?

At first, the kava nap was seen as something very difficult to cure. Now, with the advancements of science, we know that kava naps are entirely incurable. If you have this disease, my condolences. It was nice knowing you, sort of. I’ve made lots of enemies. It’s hard to know who’s reading this.

Moving onto the next part of our history lesson. The earliest record of a nap seg dates back to 06/07/20. Scholars disagree on the details, but it’s certain that group napping took place. That moment was historic, paving the way for modern nap segments.

Today’s nap segments are a far cry from the primitive ones done many months ago. For one thing, we have me. It’s debatable whether that’s actually an improvement, but at least we have nap segs almost every night. The campfire, the marshmallows, the secret possum rituals that only the US time zone knows about. The staff sneaking around, stealing cookies and getting executed. It all adds to the ambiance, y’know?

There are many predictions for future nap segments, but a popular belief is that one day we will be allowed to host them in peace, away from the AUSIA mods who never sleep and therefore don’t understand nap segments. Yeah I’m calling you guys out. Come and find me if you can.

In conclusion, nap segments are old.

That’s all for this week’s insight. Curious about anything nap or snack related? Comment below and I’ll write all about it! Until next week, comrades.

One Response

  1. I sat here laughing 5 minutes straight.
    Also, can someone infect me? I need sleep

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