[SATIRE] Totally Legit Interviews: Mantiuxx

Welcome to the first edition of Totally Legit Interviews. The topic is exactly what it says in the title: a completely legit, unedited interview with a troop who definitely wasn’t threatened with ketchup. Hope you enjoy!

For today’s post I’ll be interviewing an anonymous Helper who I’ll call Mantiuxx.

Snowy: Hello! How are you?

Mantiuxx: Hi! Im good

Snowy: Thank you for doing this interview with me!

Mantiuxx: Thanks for inviting me!

Snowy: Let’s start off with the classic question: When did you first join Help Force?

Mantiuxx: Where are my sapphires

Snowy: I— uh—

Mantiuxx: Sapphires. Where are they.

Snowy: Let’s move on.

Mantiuxx: SAPPHIRES.

Snowy: What are your hobbies outside of Help Force?

Mantiuxx: Delivering mail.

Mantiuxx: And screwing.

Snowy: I see—

Snowy: Apart from being a mailman, what do you enjoy doing in your free time?

Mantiuxx: Bullying Maya.

Snowy: That’s very intere—

Mantiuxx: I also work at a ketchup factory! I love being there, I actually have some free ketchup bottles with me rn, want some?

Snowy: Let’s go back to Help Force questions. What’s your favorite part about being Junior Staff?

Mantiuxx: Abusing perms.

Snowy: As expected. Do you aspire to earn staff?

Mantiuxx: No thanks, I prefer to eat, to have vacations, to enjoy life and to be free.

Snowy: Dark but realistic. Do you plan to escape the Junior Staff basement?

Mantiuxx: Ofc, idc if Elp is the Greatest just get me out of here

Snowy: Just for the record, I’d like to say that Elp is the greatest.

Mantiuxx: [censored]

Snowy: Oh my. For my final question, is there anything you’d like to say to the readers?

Mantiuxx: Go eat some ketchup cookies! And share with Snowy!

Snowy: That’s not exactly what—

Mantiuxx: Leave Help Force, its a waste of time, and even more with a lice being the leader. In fact, you all should—

Snowy: What a great interview! Thank you for doing this with me, Manti.


That’s all for today! Thank you for reading, and remember to say hi to Mantiuxx if you see him in the chats! If you’d like to be interviewed or suggest an interview you can dm snowy#8840 on Discord and comment below. See you next time, folks!

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