It has been more than a month since the Second in Commands Mayathefirst and Desireus switched their names. Following the unprecedented chaos caused by their decision and the recent disasters that were direct outcomes of this irresponsible behaviour, the Helpforce Enforcers of Law (HEL) has decided to bring their misdeeds to light.

Before we begin looking into this matter a bit more, let us revisit one of the most infamous Name-Switching Shenanigans of the Help Force. The incident took place in June 2021. Here’s a few pictures to demonstrate the chaos, rather than put it into words:

(Scroll down if you’re more interested in the recent happenings)

Except that’s not Amy that’s me.

wha

Except he pinged me

And even simped in my DMs

Ahem, I got carried away… anyways, the shenanigans abruptly ended when Amy joined a VC and said something that I can’t remember now. It was just a harmless prank, and it ended up making everyone laugh (or cry, ig some people can’t laugh at their pain).

HOWEVER

Maya and Desireus have now continued their shenanigans for more than a month now. Countless innocent, stressed out, sincere individuals have been fooled time and again by their irresponsible ways. Yes, that means the prank is still working, but that also causes a huge inconvenience. Most importantly, it makes the people feel stupid for not noticing. It’s quite another thing that they’re gonna feel stupid anyways beCaUsE tHeY aRe sTuPiD, but as Second in Commands Mayathefirst and Desireus have an obligation to make them feel less stupid (jk no they don’t).

To find out more about Desireus’s and Maya’s stance regarding stopping this absurdity, the HEL confiscated their belongings and locked them in the interrogation cell. Here’s how the interview went down:

HEL: So, Mr. Desireus VroomVroom Coconut, what was the reason behind your decision to commit such atrocious crimes that caused harm to our glorious gracious motherland?

Mr. Desireus VroomVroom Coconut: huh? what atrocious crimes? also I’m not Desireus I’m Maya.

HEL: THAT’S EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING I’M TALKING ABOUT STOP PRETENDING TO BE EACH OTHER. ARE YOU EVER GONNA STOP? 

Maya: Stop What?

HEL: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN, MAYA – I MEAN DESIR- fuck this I’m out. 

–

Following the loss of sanity of one of our most prominent interrogators, the two felons were released from prison on a bail of 20k coconuts and the (unverified) location of one of their numerous coconut plantations. This would never have occurred were it not for their cunning lawyer, NervousZippo, who tricked the court into granting bail by being nice. Beware of this dangerous duo, Helpers, because they are out there and just waiting for you to become their next victim.

Signed,

HELPERS ENFORCER LEAGUE (HEL)

Filed under: Help Force CP Tagged: | Desi, Desireus, Enforcer, Expose, HEL, Maya, Mayathefirst, Satire, Satirical Expose, Scorp