Crystal’s Retirement Post

Hello Helpers. Some of you might know me as CrystalJenny, some as Crystal Haven, others as just Crystal. It’s been awhile since I have made a post on the website. Unfortunately, this is not to bring any fun or exciting news, it is more of a solemn news if you will. I know I have not been active for a long while, so I have decided to retire from my position as the moderator of the Help Force as of today. This post will be kind of like an autobiography of my journey with the Help Force (HF). It’s going to be long-winded, so you may skip to the last few paragraphs for the important stuff.

I started my journey with HF on 13 December 2018, and as a moderator on 11 February 2019. I took a break because I was going through a tough time late June 2019, but came back to help as the AUSIA division was weak in late September 2019. So all in all, I have been a mod for almost 2 years already. Yes, longer than any of the current staff you know. And I feel like my time is up now.

Throughout my journey I have been through quite a bit of drama but I’ve always chosen to stay with HF out of loyalty. The Help Force has been a unmistakably big part of my life, and I have learnt and grown with it. Being on discord has also made me learn a lot of things. And I have made quite a few really good friends from HF that I hope to continue to be friends with and meet them in person someday. It was also an interesting experience working with different staff members.

A lot of you might not know me if you’re new so I’ll just tell you a bit about what I did for the Help Force. Of course, I was a mod, I lead segments, hosted events. Before I became a mod, I was a very active member and got Gamer of The Week (GoTW) twice. I am the sole sponsor of the Help Force website, meaning I pay for the website plans and domain. In addition, I am also a designer for HF. I made the banners for the Hall of Fame for the website, and a few other banners for the website. I made the advanced uniform custom penguin with some help from Kavacado (Icycreamy). Did the custom penguin and rules poster for my team Skeletons for Halloween Week 2019. Also, the events calendar and other small works like posters for game rules, the poster for the 2019 Scarlet vs Sapphire team cup. I have done a server banner that HF used for their discord last year, I did icons for Halloween and Easter as well but were not chosen to be used. When HFIsland was functioning, I made some custom backgrounds and also decorated a room for BarNell’s wedding. If you’re interested in my works as a designer for HF, you’ll be able to find them here.

However, it’s not life if the journey was all rainbows and sunshine right? Since I have been in HF for more than 2 years already, I have been through most of the dramas and changes that happened. When the January 2019 drama happened, I was just a regular very active member of HF. You can read more about the history here. However, despite being DMed personally by Epic101, an admin of CPO and the head of CPO AL at that time, to leave HF or get banned, I stayed because I trusted the staff that I’ve known for a month by then. After being very active even after that, I was given the opportunity to become a moderator. I also had to take on the role as the HF website sponsor as we decided Flen was no longer trusted to handle the website. We tried raising money for it at first, but there were some issues so I decided to pay for it first as Flen was giving us a deadline for the ownership transfer. As a moderator, I was active and hosted segments as often as possible and attended the events. I used to sleep at like 6am or even 9am sometimes just to be there for all the events I could possibly be. Which would eventually lead me to be promoted to Expert Moderator (Marshal, as you know it now).

And even after the break I took in 2019, I came back active, so much that I was once given my booster role name as “i don’t sleep”. But then work started in November 2019, and at the beginning, I tried to help even after work. I hosted segments every day after work, but it got tiring for me to work and not get even a little bit more of an appreciation in return. And at my age, you question yourself a lot, about your purpose, your goals, and why are you even doing certain things. When the move from CPO to CPAH & CPR, I also chose to move with HF and my “CrystalJenny” account was banned due to that (even though I did love that account very much ;-;). And I also started to get unhappy with my work, this was in early 2020, so all these started to affect my activity. I began to lose motivation for hosting, because I didn’t think it would make a difference for me. I mean after being a moderator for so long, you’ll know whether you realistically have a chance to move up or not. So the reason I have not been hosting is due to my lack of motivation to. And since I don’t think I will be motivated enough to host anything anytime soon, I’ve decided to retire from my position as I would only moderate the chat if that’s the case.

The decision to retire was something that was very hard to make for me, as I’ve always felt like I had the responsibility to stay and keep watch of both the staff and HF in general. Though I will not mention specific incidents and names, but there have been plenty of times when I felt that a situation has been dealt with unfairly and at those times I’ve always wished I was awake when it happened so that I could help with making fair, unclouded decisions on matters. Even though I literally have no power to make decisions, I just thought that my experience as the most senior staff member would somehow get them to listen to my opinions a little.  I was also worried about how the staff would be after I left, as I really hope they get along well. This fear that things might go out of control if I’m no longer a staff, or like staff who might have felt like me might feel even worse when I’m no longer there, have been preventing me from retiring since last year. However, at this point, I felt like there was no point holding on anymore.

The Help Force had always felt like a home I could return to when I first joined in 2018. And I’ve met livelong friends here whom I appreciate very much (but I won’t name names because if I missed anyone out, I’d feel bad). I love y’all very much! But as time went on it has gone through a lot of changes. The way the staff works has changed, segments changed, ranks changed, it never really affected me very much. But what made me sad is when HF old timers, whether it’s staff or non-staff, telling me that they feel like HF changed too much and it’s no longer fun anymore, or how retiring or leaving made them feel so much better mentally. That’s because I felt like I should have done something for them to help with the situation, make them feel more welcomed and happy to be back. Although in reality, there’s little that I could have done besides talking to the leader about it and listening to their troubles. Same goes for my fellow staffs. That’s one of the reasons why I could not bear to leave my position at first.

Anyway, to close this off, my wish for HF here-on-out is that it would remain a fun place where people can come back to when they need a break from their real life. Honestly, I’ve never really cared about where HF stood amongst the armies as long as we are not targeted and is safe and fun. I do miss the days when recruitment didn’t matter too much but we would just do stamp segments frequently just to help people. I hope the spirit of helping, rather than the ambitiousness of climbing to the top, would remain strong here in the HF. I hope that each and every one of you would be able to treat each other comfortably but also with respect, so that the place can be safe and relaxing without being too uptight. Also, if you are able to and would like to contribute, you can donate maybe even a dollar to help keep the website going. Although, yes, it has been going since I’ve been paying for it but I think it would be nice to get some extra hands on that. And I will still be here in server, and I will be watching all of you as you advance and grow. I will also be here if you need someone to talk to about HF or your own personal issues. Though in-terms of HF, I won’t be able to help much anymore, but I will listen to you. I will probably still hold my role as a designer and continue to help when I can. I might even write blog posts on the website if I have any ideas. When I’m free I’ll come and chat with you guys too. Although I can’t say that HF would be very different if I was never here, since I’m mostly replaceable, but I do hope that my presence did make even a little bit of an impact here. Will I ever return to the team? Who knows? Maybe if a situation arises where I feel like my help would be needed and important, I might. But for now, I’m stepping down from this position of responsibility. Thank you all so much for being part of my journey here! Keep unleashing the power of helping!

~ Crystal ~

One Response

  1. Ty for being an incredible Staff and normal member in HF. We will miss you so much… <3

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